After almost two months hardly existing I finally felt ready to get back to TTC. I had done a lot of reading since loosing Kendi; books on coping with the loss of a baby, texts on how to reduce the risks of miscarriage and especially everything ever written on alternative treatments for infertility and miscarriage; and so I came to a major decision not to go back onto clomid but to try acupuncture to sort out the underlying problems with my system. Once the decision was made I felt ready to start again and found an acupuncturist who believes in balancing the eastern and western regimes to try and resolve infertility problems; he commenced weekly treatments and I hoped that it might help my emotional state at the same time.
I finally went back to the drawer which contained those tablets the clinic had given me before I lost Kendi and read up about them. It appeared that they were the wonder drug for women with PCOS and a history of miscarriage and to convince me further I spoke to many women online who take it to see what the side effects. The long and short of all of this was that I started the Metformin hoping and praying that any future pregnancy would be sticky for the long term.
I truly never believed that I would get pregnant again anytime soon without the aid of clomid but in many ways that was the best case scenario because I wasn't sure I was ready yet to be pregnant again. As the weeks went on the Metformin side effects slowly settled down and the Acupuncture became a much awaited hour of the week when I would relax totally and leave feeling calm and energetic.
The first cycle I was amazed to ovulate at all and even more stunned to find that my Luteal Phase had increased thus reducing some of the risk of miscarriage. I was so happy to see the benefits that it started to help my belief that I could be pregnant again and that perhaps one day I would hold a baby in my arms.
As the 2nd cycle progressed I returned to the fertility clinic and they told me that there was no chance, in their opinion, that I would get pregnant without clomid or similar assistance. I explained that I wasn't happy with this and wanted to continue with the addition of alternative treatments and they insisted that I schedule an investigative operation for the New Year to check that my tubes were open and not damaged by the miscarriages. After reading up I agreed to their plan and decided to have a fantastic last month of the year before starting 2005 afresh with hope for the future.
However the clinic was wrong, the 2nd cycle may have been long but perhaps time was what my cycles needed. On day 30, my 30th Birthday no less, I finally ovulated and less than 2 weeks later I was struck dumn to get a positive pregnancy test. I was pregnant again!
I can't tell you whether it was the Metformin, or the Acupuncture or the growing belief that my acupuncturist and Mike had nurtured in me; but between them all I was pregnant and somehow I knew that this time it was going to be OK.