I recorded all of my thoughts and emotions from the very first month we started trying to conceive. I am not sure why I started writing everything down but soon it became a cathartic experience helping me get through the bad days and remember the good ones. I could share the entire diabtribe here but at over 50,000 words it is a little long so perhaps a synopsis is more appropriate, although that is not going to be easy for me when I usually ramble on uncontrollably. But I'll try and I guess the best place to start is at the beginning, back three and a half years, wow how time has passed.
Right from the beginning I thought it would be difficult to conceive our baby but never did I even contemplate the truth which we came to accept. I came off the DepoProvera expecting, from all the information I had read, that the medical assumption of my cycles returning within 3 months was going to be nonsense and unfortunately I was right! In reality the first 3 months passed in the blink of an eye, the second 3 with barely a glance and even the third 3 without too much concern. It was 9 months on before we were on holiday in South Africa with time to think and reflect; and it all became clear! I came the sudden realisation that my stress levels at work were too high and that all the time I had to spend away from home was doing nothing to help us achieve our aim. Just like that it occurred to me that something had to change if we were ever going to conceive and the desire was such that we came home with a plan of action. Within a month I resigned from my job and by the 1 year anniversary of TTC I had set up my own business allowing me greater control over my workload and a considerable reduction in my stress levels. As I look back now, two and a half years later, this is one of the major positives that came out of our TTC journey. I have never regeretted a second of our decision and I remain forever thankful to Mike for believing in my ability to run my own business and giving me the financial freedom to take the risk.